I wont be presumptuous and apologize for not posting for the last 3 months. I wont make excuses either. Im just going to start posting again like nothing ever happened.
I want to share what came of the “diet.” After completing the first round of the cabbage soup diet, I saw drastic results. Over those painful 7 days I lost about 9 pounds. IT. WAS. AWESOME. However, like everyone warned, I pretty much gained it all immediately back. Wah wah. But I mayyyy have gotten a little addicted to the soup and made the soup every other week for the last three months. And I will say that I eat a lot more vegetables and fruits now and have changed my diet completely. SO THATS GOOD!
On the other hand, Do I go crazy on the weekends and order takeout from my fav. mexican restaurant? Yup. LIKE YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE. Have I lost any weight? mehhh, it depends on what day you are asking me. Did I get the meat sweats over the 4th of July Holiday? uh huh. It is all relative people.
Also, I watched Mermaids: the body found, last night and I have been thinking about it all damn day. Mermaids are real! If you ever wished that you could breathe under water, or you are like me and actually believed you could breathe under water during a psychedelic weekend in college, you should buy it on iTunes for $2.99. This shiz is cray.
We meet again…
Proud to report that I’ve lost 7 pounds and this is my last day in purgatory. Here is a recap of the last 4 days.
Day 4 – Bananas and Skim Milk
On this day, you can have as many as 8 bananas and however many glasses of skim milk you can handle. I woke up and drank a big glass of milk with a banana, drank my black coffee, and scooted to work. It was nice to have a break from veggies. For a snack I had…. a banana. For lunch, I ate the soup and drank a glass of milk (sounds pretty gross but I chugged that shiz). For a snack, I ate…. a banana. Finally, for dinner I ate a banana, soup, and…. a glass of milk for zert.
Day 5 – BEEF
This is a rather peculiar day. I bought thin cut beef and decided to make a stir fry with red and yellow onions. You are supposed to eat tomatoes with the beef but I just couldn’t. So I substituted onions.
I cut the beef into strips (think Mongolian beef style), seasoned it with pepper and Tony’s no salt seasoning, browned the meet with a little olive oil and garlic in a pan, and put the onions and beef together in a stir fry wok pot. I ate this throughout the day (no more than 20 ounces of beef). That sounds like a lot but trust me, it goes fast! I was practically a monster. For dinner, I just skipped out. I couldn’t bring myself to eat the soup.
DAY 6 – Beef and Veggies
I used the leftover beef that I made on day 5 and ate it with a bowl of Broccoli for lunch. For dinner, I had a little beef and a bowl of the soup. These past two days I drank A LOT of water because the fat in the beef is pretty salty.
FUGGIN CHEATER! Today I cheated and ate some strawberries and an apple for a snack. Also, I drank a Diet Dr. Pepper. Whoops.
LAST DAYYYYY – Brown Rice and Veggies
This morning I had some black coffee for breakfast and… a granola bar. I COULDN’T HELP IT OK? I FELT WEAK!
For lunch, I plan on sauteing some onions and mushrooms and eating that with brown rice, maybe some soup. For dinner, prob the same thing. After that, I am DONE SON! Wahoooooooooooooooooo.
I think I can I think I can.
Its funny what can change in a few days. As I started my diet and am now on day 2, I am sad to report that not much has changed in the ass area. However, whats funny is how much joy I have realized that food brings me (which is what got me here in the first fuggin place). I recognize this joy in its excruciating absence. While my coffee and hazelnut creamer with a granola bar used to bring me so much pleasure in the morning, it has been replaced with black coffee and water. I ACTUALLY looked forward to the black coffee today because at least it was SOMETHING.
Day 1 of my 7 day hell consisted of ONLY fruit and cabbage soup. I enjoyed yummy Watermelon, Strawberries and Blueberries for breakfast but then had to endure the rest of the day with Cabbage Soup for meals. Oh yea, I had an apple for a snack. I tried to end the torture early by going to bed at 7 pm.
Here is what I have to look forward to for the rest of the week.
Im sure everyone has tried a “crash diet” at some point in their lives. Whether it is getting ready for an event, wedding, or bikini season, we humans love short-cuts when it comes to dieting. Or is it just me? After hearing me complain about being fat for the 100th time, my roommate made an excellent suggestion, The Cabbage Soup Diet. The details of this rigorous and gruesome plan can be found here.
For the next 7 days, I will be conducting an experiment that involves the complete torture of my will power. Hopefully, I will be able to decrease my fat-ass ass. Yea you read that right. It wasn’t a typo. Certain concerns have arose from a certain skeptical someone (Dr. Sam). Sam seems to think that I will just put the weight right back on after the 7 days. On the contrary my dear doctor, the cabbage soup EXPERT says that hypnosis is the only way to keep the weight off. So I am currently shopping around for a good hypnotist.
This should be interesting. Stay tuned.