Wait, did I spell that right?

Fat-ass Ass

Im sure everyone has tried a “crash diet” at some point in their lives. Whether it is getting ready for an event, wedding, or bikini season, we humans love short-cuts when it comes to dieting. Or is it just me? After hearing me complain about being fat for the 100th time, my roommate made an excellent suggestion, The Cabbage Soup Diet. The details of this rigorous and gruesome plan can be found here.

 

For the next 7 days, I will be conducting an experiment that involves the complete torture of my will power. Hopefully, I will be able to decrease my fat-ass ass. Yea you read that right. It wasn’t a typo. Certain concerns have arose from a certain skeptical someone (Dr. Sam). Sam seems to think that I will just put the weight right back on after the 7 days. On the contrary my dear doctor, the cabbage soup EXPERT says that hypnosis is the only way to keep the weight off. So I am currently shopping around for a good hypnotist.

 

This should be interesting. Stay tuned. 

This is how you pizz in a bush

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My brother teaching my nephew where it is appropriate to relieve yourself.

NOT THE WISTERIA!!!!!!!!

Dog Shit Selfies

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Flashing the Carpool Line

I was a twisted child. That should come to no surprise. My mother recently reminded me of my strange behavior during toddlerhood that involved flashing birth pictures to my brother’s entire carpool line.

Picking up my older brother from school was the highlight of my day during those years. My mother and I used to arrive to my brother’s school with my bare feet hanging out of the window. I guess I was jealous that my brother got to go to school while I was stuck at home with nobody to play with me. Making the carpool line as painful as possible was a bonus activity.

One day, while snooping through my parents bookshelf, enjoying a snack of DunkAroosI came across a rather peculiar book titled The Miracle of Birth The book was filled with terrifying images. One, in particular, I thought was necessary to share with the carpool line that day.

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My mother claims that I did serious damage to the innocent children that were subjected to the image. WHATEVER MOM!

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Watching the Oscars the other night gave me movie fever. Out of all the movies nominated, Beasts of the Southern Wild is THE most beautiful movie I have ever seen. Quvenzhané Wallis, a 9 year-old head, was nominated for best actress and it was a very well deserved nomination. 

Beasts of the Southern Wild follows the story of a group of people in Louisiana, isolated by a levee, and later evacuated from their homes after a devastating storm. Quvenzhané Wallis, Hushpuppy, shows resilient courage as she tries to find her place in life and family. FUGGIN WATCH IT!

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My Fiance and his Groomsmen

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What Happens in Vegas…

I recently took a trip to Vegas and it was a BLAST. I hate to use the same ole cliche when talking about my trip but might I say that What Happens in Vegas, DOES NOT stay in Vegas. ESPECIALLY when certain events get blasted all over social media.

I would like to dedicate this post to the kind, and oh so dear security guards at ALL Vegas casinos. Wow, I mean, they were great. So great that I may name one of my kids after one of them, Brenda. That’s another story.

The last night we were there, after a very long day of aggressive drinking. The angel security guards could tell that I was tired, so they offered me a complimentary wheel chair ride to my room. I mean, really, what awesome service! If anyone is worried that I failed to show my appreciation, I assured them that they were my true friends after requesting that they take me to bed. Wow, true friends, true stranger friends.

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Pretty Girls, Ugly Faces – Fuggin’ Uggin

This is my favorite work distraction for today. A stream of posts on reddit of “Pretty Girls” making “ugly faces.”

Here are a few of my favorites.

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Snacks in my Mary

A great friend once told me that “the best Bloody Marys come with snacks.” I agree completely. Cruisin my favorites blawgs I came across this BEUT! 

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Now THAT is a Bloody Mary. I would only change ONE thing about this recipe. Everyone knows that Zing Zang is the best mix. None of that brand coordinating shiz allowed when we are talking about something as important as a Bloody Mary. But again, the snacks are crucial.

 

 

Put a rang on that thang

One of my bestest frands in the whole wide world just got engaged. It was about fuggin time. Of course my first question for them was when they were going to start popping out babies, I love babies.

 A group of gals went and surprised her the night of the engagement and I wanted to share a DIY engagement gift idea.

The concept behind the gift came from my friend’s sister who described the wedding planning process as very stressful, much like a terrorist situation. In an effort to lighten the load of planning, We bought 10 bottles of Prosecco and designated each bottle with a milestone of the engagement. So when they set a date, PROSECCO, when they finalized the guest list, PROSECCO, when they book the band, PROSECCO!

We created little tags for each bottle, attached it with some strang, and wrapped those suckers in tissue paper. The result turned out pretty cute, I think!Image

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