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Author Archives: Suzanna Charles

Facebook has become a superlative nightmare. It is a competition over who can be the most thankful, the most blessed, the most happily married, most happily engaged, most happily knocked up, the best dressed, wittiest, most spiritual, most philosophical, best all around, most athletic, most provocative, most ghetto fabulous, most artsy fartsy, most likely to become a serial killer, most cute kids, most reminiscent, most opinionated, most alternatively opinionated, most political, most likely to sell all of their belongings on a facebook trading page, most likely to be so fuggin’ annoying that you unsubscribe from their post altogether.

In all honesty, Facebook is way worse than high school because it is a false reality. People only post things that they want their peers to see. At least in high school, the superlatives had some fuggin hard evidence, with semi-unbiased support. The most likely to succeed was ACTUALLY the most likely, and they proved it with actions, not keystrokes. Now, whether that person succeeded or not, is another issue. And like high school, facebook annoyance grows towards those who are the “most” at anything.

For example, all of those fuggin people who are competing to be considered the most happy. Talk about annoying! If you are posting about how happy you are all the time, shut up because nobody believes you. I’m not saying that I want to see more depressing posts, I’m just asking that you losers tone it down a little bit. Your blessed and happy life is the last thing I want to read.

And when did it become ok for people to take mirror selfie shots again? Wasn’t that a cliché back in 2006? Mirror shots have somehow made a comeback after their painful rise to the most annoying thing on the internet back during myspace days. What superlative would I give you people who take mirror selfie shots of your abdomen? Most likely to be sexting with Anthony Weiner.

If anyone feels the need to vent about annoying facebook habits, please feel free.


I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get really fuggin bored at work. Ive developed a slight addiction in the process of trying to make the hours pass by more quickly. This addiction is hypothetical bedroom designing. Let me take a minute to explain.

My cousin Ellen, author of this adorable fashion/lifestyle blog, The Perennial Style, got me hooked to this site, Polyvore, that she uses to make all of her fashion collages. You’ve seen them. But I bet you weren’t aware of how much fuggin’ fun they are to make. Here is an example, courtesy of my darling cousin’s blog.



Ok, get the picture?? I am not the most fashionable person, but I LOVE rearranging my bedroom. Sometimes, I get a little overwhelmed when trying to imagine a room holistically. I find  individual pieces that I love but when I put them all together, it never quite looks right. SO, I started arranging things that I liked on Polyvore and it totally got me inspired and excited to update my room.

In the past, I have been really bad about having color scheme A.D.D. My room basically looked like a bunch of bold accents exploded all over the place. So I decided to simplify and stick to a few colors as opposed to MANY.

I would first like to say that my all time favorite store is West Elm. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! They have the perfect amount of contemporary in all of their designs and I just cant get enough. The theme of my new room is going to be mid-century modern with a little flaresky. And it all started because of this dresser. Image

I decided that I wanted to have all of my furniture white and mid-century modern style so that my color A.D.D would have a lot of flexibility to run wild. I already had a pretty, bold ikat chair with matching pillows that I bought two years ago.

Here is where Ellen came in. I was playing around with a few ideas for my new room and BAM, polyvore happened. This is when the addiction flared up and I started imagining hypothetical bedrooms all day long.  I can’t stop!!! Below is what I envisioned for my bedroom.



And these are ones I did instead of working!





Goodluck getting anything done today!!!!


For those of you who haven’t seen the new Netflix series, Orange is the New Black, you are missing out. The new series, written by Jenji Kohan, who also wrote the hit series Weeds, is as provocative as it is entertaining. This show is bound to clean house at the Emmys next year, you heard it here first.

The show’s protagonist, Piper Chapman, is your typical blonde WASP who enjoys shopping at Whole Foods and watching Mad Men with her adorable pushover fiance, Larry, played by Jason Biggs. When the show begins, Piper is coming to terms with the fact that she is about to serve a 15 month sentence for a crime she committed during her “wild” years, when she dated a Lesbian drug smuggler named Alex, played by Laura Prepon. Piper was convicted of being a mule for drug money just 2 years before the statute of limitations for the crime was over. Aint that a Biatch!

Some pretty hilarious shiz goes down during the course of her stay at the prison. Including but not limited to: becoming another woman’s prison wife by accident, being “starved out” by the head cook for insulting her food, again, by accident, and coming face-to-face with her former lover, Alex, who, by the way, is the reason that she is in there in the first place.

But that’s not why I brought you here today. Yes, the show is good and worth a watch, but the real cutie of the show is a Corrections Officer Bennett, who accidentally gets an inmate pregnant during the show, but in a cute way, I promise.

Or at least, I thought he was cute, before I saw this article on Buzzfeed, For Everyone Who Is Physically Attracted To Corrections Officer Bennett. Which made him look like a real douche. The article details what he did before he was on the show, which was a personal trainer/body builder. It also provides pictures of him posing in a bikini. Don’t get me wrong, he looks good, my hat is off to him. But who in their right mind would post pictures like that on the internet of themselves? A douche bag, that’s who. #disappointed

Then I noticed that the Buzzfeed article was written by a dude, which explains it all….

The term, Granny, suggests feelings of endearment towards one’s mother’s mother. And why wouldn’t we all feel these feelings about our grandmothers? I would first like to say that I love both of my grandmothers, they are lovely women. Both are for sure one-of-a kind. Especially, Tully.

Tully is not her given name. When asked why her grandchildren call her Tully, she will tell you that her cocker spaniel, Willy (may he rest in peace), named her Tully. Her real name is Stewart, and when she met my grandfather, he said, “Stewart? that’s a man’s name! I might as well call you Cam.” And from that day on, that’s what he called her, Cam, along with everyone else (except her grandchildren).

So my grandmother, Stewart aka Cam aka Tully, is truly one-of-a-kind you see. And if you don’t believe me, ask her. Before I go into any more detail about Tully, I want you to picture the character, Weezer, from Steel Magnolias. Got it?

Tully is the self proclaimed authority on all things. Again, just ask her. Especially when determining who and who isnt a “redneck.” She loves making “fancy” meals, singing in the church choir, and gardening with her semi-famous gay best friend, Brian. He designs gardens. She also has an accent that you have to be from the south to understand. Its not just southern, but “old southern.” Suzanna is pronounced, suzannaahhhh. It is almost like every word has an extra syllable, to further emphasize her authority. She starts most of her sentences with, “Ill have you know, that…”

According to Tully, You might be a Redneck if:
1. You cook caseroles
2. You aren’t Episcopalian
3. You eat ketchup on your steak (or you prefer that your red meat is cooked any other temperature other than rare)
4. You have never traveled to France or Italy (no other countries matter)
5. You have ever used fake flowers, EVER
6. You light candles in the day time
7. You wear your hair any other way than a bob cut before the age of 6
8. You like ice in your wine
9. You went to Auburn University
10. You match your candles to your flower arrangements
11. You refer to a residential bathroom as a “restroom.” “THIS IS NOT A FILLING STATION”
12. You eat hot dogs or macaroni and cheese
13. You are a Republican

Carly Rae Jepsen Throws Embarrassing First Pitch.

What is more embarrassing than the fact that her name is Carly Rae? This is my Tartingle for the day. Carly Rae Jepsen Throws Embarrassing First Pitch.

My new found love of vegetables has decreased my meat intake. DO NOT mistaken what I just said for me turning vegetarian again. Last time I tried that, it turned out badly. Devouring a bag of beef jerky at 3am after a month long vegetarian kick was scary. I guess you could say that I try to compliment my veggies with meat, as opposed to the other way around. Anyhow, the reason for this affirmation is I have found the BEST seasoning on planet earth for fish, steak and chicken. Hold up, I’m realizing that those two thoughts barely relate. Whatever.

I was cruising through Whole Foods with my pops on Fathers Day, searching for some good ole fashioned steaks, and the meat man recommended an “all around” seasoning. When he said that he used it on EVERYTHING, we were sold.


I normally will buy chicken at the store and grill it on Monday and eat throughout the week, complimentary to my veggies. I doused my chicky breasts in this Borsari Seasoning Salt and slammed it on the grill. The end result was pretty spectacular. This will definitely be a long time staple for me. I just felt compelled to share.

Also, a friend dropped by in the middle of my grillin’ and said “omg, what the hell did you put on that chicken, it looks awesome.” Naturally I felt cool.

I am also crushin’ on this iced tea. The Hibiscus Sangria is my fave. What I like about it is it doesn’t even need sweeteners of any kind. The natural flavor is good enough!


I wont be presumptuous and apologize for not posting for the last 3 months. I wont make excuses either. Im just going to start posting again like nothing ever happened.

I want to share what came of the “diet.” After completing the first round of the cabbage soup diet, I saw drastic results. Over those painful 7 days I lost about 9 pounds. IT. WAS. AWESOME. However, like everyone warned, I pretty much gained it all immediately back. Wah wah. But I mayyyy have gotten a little addicted to the soup and made the soup every other week for the last three months. And I will say that I eat a lot more vegetables and fruits now and have changed my diet completely. SO THATS GOOD!

On the other hand, Do I go crazy on the weekends and order takeout from my fav. mexican restaurant? Yup. LIKE YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE. Have I lost any weight? mehhh, it depends on what day you are asking me. Did I get the meat sweats over the 4th of July Holiday? uh huh. It is all relative people.

Also, I watched Mermaids: the body found, last night and I have been thinking about it all damn day. Mermaids are real! If you ever wished that you could breathe under water, or you are like me and actually believed you could breathe under water during a psychedelic weekend in college,  you should buy it on iTunes for $2.99. This shiz is cray.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/tv-season/mermaids-season-1/id644417245; http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/28/mermaids-the-body-found-real-mermaid-on-beach-video_n_1550091.html;http://www.cabbage-soup-diet.com/recipe/


We meet again…


Proud to report that I’ve lost 7 pounds and this is my last day in purgatory. Here is a recap of the last 4 days.

Day 4 – Bananas and Skim Milk
On this day, you can have as many as 8 bananas and however many glasses of skim milk you can handle. I woke up and drank a big glass of milk with a banana, drank my black coffee, and scooted to work. It was nice to have a break from veggies. For a snack I had…. a banana. For lunch, I ate the soup and drank a glass of milk (sounds pretty gross but I chugged that shiz). For a snack, I ate…. a banana. Finally, for dinner I ate a banana, soup, and…. a glass of milk for zert.

Day 5 – BEEF
This is a rather peculiar day. I bought thin cut beef and decided to make a stir fry with red and yellow onions. You are supposed to eat tomatoes with the beef but I just couldn’t. So I substituted onions.

I cut the beef into strips (think Mongolian beef style), seasoned it with pepper and Tony’s no salt seasoning, browned the meet with a little olive oil and garlic in a pan, and put the onions and beef together in a stir fry wok pot. I ate this throughout the day (no more than 20 ounces of beef). That sounds like a lot but trust me, it goes fast! I was practically a monster. For dinner, I just skipped out. I couldn’t bring myself to eat the soup.

DAY 6 – Beef and Veggies
I used the leftover beef that I made on day 5 and ate it with a bowl of Broccoli for lunch. For dinner, I had a little beef and a bowl of the soup. These past two days I drank A LOT of water because the fat in the beef is pretty salty.

FUGGIN CHEATER! Today I cheated and ate some strawberries and an apple for a snack. Also, I drank a Diet Dr. Pepper. Whoops.

LAST DAYYYYY – Brown Rice and Veggies
This morning I had some black coffee for breakfast and… a granola bar. I COULDN’T HELP IT OK? I FELT WEAK!

For lunch, I plan on sauteing some onions and mushrooms and eating that with brown rice, maybe some soup. For dinner, prob the same thing. After that, I am DONE SON! Wahoooooooooooooooooo.

I think I can I think I can.


As I begin day 4, I am encouraged that the scale reading, which was —.- lbs when I began, now reads a full 3 pounds less! I am happy that my torture hasn’t been for nothing. I know that the obvious judgement to make about this whole ordeal is that I will just gain the weight right back. Well I say FUG YOU!  And thanks for the Fuggin confidence.

My goal with this horrific diet is to cleanse myself of some bad habits [not drinking enough water, using salt and artificial sweeteners, drinking soft drinks, not eating enough vegetables, yada yada]. Did I say that already?

Day 2 was the most challenging day so far because I am not the biggest fan of raw veggies. I can eat a bowl of steamed veggies with the best of them but raw veggies? No thanks. So it wasn’t the easiest day because there weren’t many snack options around the office. I was acutely aware of what everyone in the office had for snacks the entire day. And the sound of chip and snack wrappers have never been so loud. The only silver lining was that I was allowed to have a sweet potato with dinner, which I devoured!

Someone asked me, “Why dont you just juice?” Well, because I am too poor to buy a juicer you BRAT!

Day 3 was like heaven compared to Day 2. I grazed on yummy fruit all day with the soup for meals. I also ate a bushel of Asparagus. That was awesome for my tee tee.

4 more days to go!

Its funny what can change in a few days. As I started my diet and am now on day 2, I am sad to report that not much has changed in the ass area. However, whats funny is how much joy I have realized that food brings me (which is what got me here in the first fuggin place). I recognize this joy in its excruciating absence. While my coffee and hazelnut creamer with a granola bar used to bring me so much pleasure in the morning, it has been replaced with black coffee and water. I ACTUALLY looked forward to the black coffee today because at least it was SOMETHING. 

Day 1 of my 7 day hell consisted of ONLY fruit and cabbage soup. I enjoyed yummy Watermelon, Strawberries and Blueberries for breakfast but then had to endure the rest of the day with Cabbage Soup for meals. Oh yea, I had an apple for a snack. I tried to end the torture early by going to bed at 7 pm. 

Here is what I have to look forward to for the rest of the week.